A Letter to Parents
Conversations, part 1 of 5
Dearest Parents,
Long gone are the days when I wake up bleary-eyed from lack of sleep and my meals consist of cold leftover chicken nuggets and spoonfuls of mac n cheese. While I wouldn’t readily go back to those days being where I am now, I treasured them. God formed me in them. He held our family up during that season and while there were many hard moments, there were many joyous ones too. Today, it’s more like Thursdays are piano and Fridays are youth group. In March, we have 5 birthdays and our next scheduled break from homeschooling. The boy’s state-wide tests will be in April. There are markers in our weeks and months, so our lives feel pretty scheduled and these markers serve as an ever present reminder that our time with our children are ticking slowly, but surely away. With this limited time on my mind, I wanted to share some things I have learned as part of this series about home and church.
Along with apostle Paul, I say “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” So I share, not that I have perfected parenting or children’s ministry, but I share because God has given me a heart for this next generation. As a parent myself, I know the difficulties in seeing only what is right before me or even when I think about the future, it’s hard at times to remember eternity. As I serve in children’s ministry, some may see it as labor and difficulty, but it has become an incredible blessing as it is a reminder for me to have eternity ever before my eyes as I disciple my own children and other’s children and as I cast an eternal vision for our teachers and parents. So can we talk? Starting with us as parents…
What is your purpose in life?
Do you work hard during the week to play hard for the weekends? Are you driven by success, your own success and your child’s success? Do you have the desire to live for the Lord, but find yourself being lifted up by the waves of a busy week into a Sunday that you’d rather just spend at home? Do you attend Sunday service and hear the Gospel being preached, but when the week comes you live by a different mantra that follows our culture like “it’s a dog eat dog world”? Maybe, your heart’s desire is “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” but with your children in a secular school and the days being so busy, you’re not sure how to live this out. I start here, because it’s important to know, to reexamine, and to make sure that we are remaining in the Vine. Wherever you are in your walk with Christ, it’s important to do this often, maybe yearly, quarterly, monthly, maybe even bi-weekly and to do it with your spouse as well as your children because the fact of the matter is, “prone to wander” we are. Where your treasure is there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21) Where your heart is is how you will live out your life and how you will lead your family.
Duality, May Be Even More Detrimental
I remember feeling a certain way when I was in elementary school. Something to be noted about this season in my life was that I was not a professing Christian yet. I went to church because my parents went. I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. But Sundays were set apart from all the other days in that they were so completely different. Sundays, I sat in children’s church away from my parents and little brother which I hated because I had no friends. And we sometimes had children’s choir practice. But the worship and learning about God never came into the rest of my week. Yes, we would have family worship once in a while, but because I didn’t feel like my parents lived out the Gospel, it was just torturous to me. I often wonder how our children see church. If they go to a secular school, I wonder if the messages, worldviews, and culture that they live in 7 hours a day, 5 days a week are louder than the Gospel message that they hear each Sunday. If the Gospel is not being lived out within the family, if intentional and hard conversations are not being had, if Scripture is not being repeated and recited and their Sundays are the only days they hear the Gospel, yes all the other voices will be louder.
Instead, what we should strive for in our Christian families is where “everything becomes evidence of the Christian worldview, since everything in creation proclaims God’s handiwork,” said my professor of apologetics Bill Edgar. The fact that the sequence of natural numbers in math never ends represents an eternal and almighty God who Himself is eternal. The fact that there are over 20,000 known bee species in the U.S. alone shows the great handiwork of God. Gymnastics and taekwondo or any active sport should be done to the glory of God because He made our bodies so amazingly capable of becoming stronger and doing such amazing things. Sleep, even sleep and the discussion of taking care of bodies should be done to the glory of God. A love of reading is so important. How are our children to read the Bible if they hate reading? School shouldn’t just be thought of as a means to future success, but we should think about how their education can glorify God as well. How their lessons in piano could bless a congregation in praise. If we aren’t referencing God in all these different areas with our children, what are we referencing? Oftentimes, our children will see the hypocrisy and dual life that we are leading even before we as parents do in ourselves. I know I did as a child. It’s not too late to make things right though, because we have a gracious God and often our children are more forgiving than we are about things. When we humble ourselves to repent, we are doing the very thing that God calls us to do, the reason Christ had to die. What more powerful testimony is that. Dare to boldly obey to see what God will do. Sacrifice the things that prevent your family from living out the Gospel in your daily lives. Ask the Lord to help you see what those things are.
A Case for Weakness
I had a hard conversation with a parent whose mantra was to teach his child to be strong, and not only strong, but stronger than everyone else. Sports injuries are just a way of life. It’ll teach them to endure, persevere, and ultimately be successful. Strive, strive, strive to be # 1. Yes, while this parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum, I think we’ve all been here in some shape, way or form. We want our children to be strong. We certainly don’t want them to be bullied or pushed around by others. When we teach our children to be strong in this way. To strive. To push through. What are we asking them to rely on? In the conversation I had with this parent, it was clear that he wanted his child to learn to be self reliant and with this parent in mind, I want to make my case for normalizing weakness with 4 points.
We are weak. When trials come our way, there will be times where it is out of our control and times where it’s necessary to just sit in the trial and be still and pray. While this seemed normal in Old Testament days where people would tear their clothes and mourn. It seems today that showing weakness is shunned. Only show picture perfect lives and reels on social media and to others. What pressure and how abnormal it is to always try to be strong and keep up pretenses that everything is okay when they are not.
We are weak in temptations and sin. I’m afraid if we live where weakness is not normalized and where each of us are self-dependent, we leave no room for acknowledgement of sinfulness as well as repentence of sin. It will be hard for our children to recognize their sin or admit their sin. Scripture says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Rom 3:23)
We live in a fallen world. Suffering is inevitable because of this. Sufferings most certainly reveal our weakness. How are we to condemn weakness when Christ Himself bore it in incarnation, in His life on earth, and in death. Christ chose weakness to reveal God’s power. And we learn in scripture that in suffering we have fellowship with Christ who also suffered. (Phil. 3:10) But we also share in the power of His resurrection because of this fellowship in suffering. In this we know that the suffering isn’t for nothing, but it is truly strengthening us in Christ and there is a revealed hope that we may not see unless we experience suffering and weakness.
It’s when we acknowledge our weakness, that we come to repentance and/or dependence in Christ. As long as we teach our children to be self-reliant and self sufficient, they will not rely on Christ’s work.
When we don’t allow space for our children to show weakness or we push success over everything else, we actually create a perfect home for them with a pretty facade to live out a lie in which they can live independent from God. So dear parents, be counter cultural and make it okay for your children to show weakness, show your weakness as well. In fact Paul goes as far as to say to boast in your weakness. Why? Paul says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:9-10 Henri Nouwen in his book, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership says this:
…I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self. That is the way Jesus came to reveal God’s love.
So if we are to raise up disciples of Christ for this next generation, parents, we must recognize the ways in which we live that is counter to the Gospel. We must constantly seek to see where we may be leading them astray, repent, and be changed by the Gospel. And we must recognize our weaknesses and continue to rely on the work of Christ.
I’ll finish with one last story. The other night, our family was invited to a wonderful dinner. My daughter sat next to an old friend from my youth group days. He asked her a question, “what time do you go to bed at night?” Her reply, “we’re supposed to sleep at 10, but we don’t ever listen to mommy.” I totally face palmed and cry laughed at her brutal honesty. In just one statement she revealed my weakness as a parent and her own sin. And while this is a small example, it is truth. We certainly are weak. I accept it and run to the cross. I hope you will join me there.
With much love,
Rosalyn Won
P.S. Until next time, I’ll save a seat for you at the table.
Here is the Family Focus Planner as pdf.
