Not Just Sadness Bombs, But Walks Too
An Activity in Childlikeness We went on a walk today to a park. Such a beautiful space especially right now with the leaves exploding with color. Being such a silly mommy, I thought I’d give them a
We went on a walk today to a park. Such a beautiful space especially right now with the leaves exploding with color. Being such a silly mommy, I thought I’d give them a task, “let’s find the most beautiful tree in the park.” They humored me and said, “okay,” but I didn’t need to give them this assignment to keep them occupied.
They imitated the calls of the ducks and geese in the brook that runs through the middle of the park like total hams. We laughed so hard when they seemed to call back to us.
They picked up big sticks and cracked them into smaller pieces and gave me gifts of colored leaves. Pinkish red. Yellow. Orange and yellow. Even one that was the shape of a duck track.
We noticed the trees that probably fell in the recent storms and the mushrooms that had come to life on older dead ones.
They stood and gazed at the waterfall in silence. I stood off at a distance just to give them space. They didn’t even hear me when I called them to continue our walk.
And I thought of the wonderful way that Adam and Eve would walk with the Lord in the Garden of Eden before the fall. How He must have delighted in His Adam and Eve enjoying all He had created for His glory and their good. Sally Lloyd-Jones depicts it so perfectly in The Jesus Storybook Bible:
...Adam and Eve joined in the song of the stars and the streams and the wind in the trees, the wonderful song of love to the one who made them. Their hearts were filled with happiness. And nothing ever made them sad or lonely or sick or afraid.
I recently read something else pretty amazing, “In our world today we often give ourselves to visible goals. There is nothing wrong with that. We need goals and goals that are defined. However, there is a danger in this goal-seeking. We must remember that the process of reaching the goals is at least as important as the goals themselves.” Jack Miller
Prior to saying this Miller mentions that the goal he is referring to is our ultimate destination when we see Jesus face to face. The process which he is referring to is our time here on earth where we are becoming more and more like Christ through sanctification. I don’t know about others, but up until recently I have always thought this sanctification process as painful.
Having experienced childhood traumas, I have found in different seasons of my life that the trauma presents itself in different forms like a mutating virus with different strains, often feeling very much like the pandemic when we had no vaccination. But God has been healing me slowly through marriage, through true Gospel-centered friendships, through church, as well as through my children. My children…
There are these deeply sad moments--moments where as I homeschool, I come to the realization that I have education gaps where I either was never taught about some basic foundational subjects or I most likely cared more about my survival then my education. It’s a big blur where everyday normal things like school have been overshadowed by traumatic memories. But my children’s childhood in comparison is so different. While I am so thankful that they are safe and they are being nurtured in the very best way that we can provide, I also have moments where I have to stop and grieve over my own childhood. My husband had to explain it to my eldest son one day after something that happened triggered me.
Mommy went through some hard things when she was younger. It’s kinda like she has sadness bombs in her. It’s always there and sometimes things happen that set it off.
And so my anchor and my hope has been for the day when I no longer have these ticking bombs within me. To finish the race. The day when I no longer will have to wait to be whole, but I will be. Fully healed. The way in which God intended.
No more sadness, loneliness, sickness or fear.
Sometimes Running the Race Looks Like a Walk In the Park
But Miller says something that is kinda life-changing. Better yet, it’s life-giving. Miller says, “the process is just as important as the goal.” Meaning, I don’t have to just sit and wait for these bombs to explode or for the day when they don’t, but I can enjoy life too. Yes, I’m broken and this world never fails to give examples of brokeness too, but victory is mine as well. He continues:
“In that process we are called by the Spirit to walk in intimacy with Christ, to enjoy Him and His people. I think this fellowship also includes enjoying the common things of life--really seeing the world like the simple thing of a human friendship, a good relationship with a parent, and even something as ordinary as enjoying a ballgame. I think it also includes building a good relationship with your children.”
I’m reminded of the first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism:
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
So friends, fellow parents, fellow children’s ministry laborers, I am just, in my 40s, beginning to understand what this means. And my children have been a big part of this in so many ways, but today I will share just one way. Very simply, in just walking. When you go for a walk with someone, there’s no agenda—only to be with the person. To enjoy their company. My children have taught me this. To be present with them, in the moment and also with God.
And so yes, there are days where it’s more like crying in Jesus’ arms, but there are and will be days where you're just walking with Him too. He doesn’t go away just because we have forgotten Him. He is there ever-present. We just have to get into the habit of remembering and living in this truth. It’s a life thing. Not only when I’m doing “spiritual” things. It’s every moment holy: the mundane and the heart-wrenching.
Be Childlike
My youngest who has just been giving me the hardest time in obeying said today,
“Mommy, you know what I’ve known for a really long time? Like since I started going to church?”
“What, sweetheart?”
“That God is in my heart.”
“I used to not be sure, but I AM NOW.”
“Even though you can’t see him?” I asked skeptically. (Tsk…tsk…mommy. Ye of little faith.)
(Long pause)
“Um...well...I can’t see my brain, but I know it’s there. I can’t see the wind, but I can feel it.”
And there you have it! The wisdom of a 7 year old given to her by God in His process of sanctification over her life. She said it so proudly and so boldly after a week of working hard on the discipline of listening and doing it right away. Just like a child to be completely herself in disobedience all week and then give the biggest most random mic drop of her short life in the middle of our lunch.
So be like her. Be childlike. Just as you are. Walk with Him. Enjoy Him who is present. Immanuel. Be present with Him. And also take a walk with the family or a good friend and enjoy them too. It came at a great cost to our Savior. Enjoy the victory in Christ and when we finally see Him face to face, it’ll be that much sweeter.
Until next time, I’ll save a seat at the table for you.