Oh, Tired Parent
Be Encouraged
My husband jokes on Halloween: When someone asks me what I’ll dress up as, I answer, “Tired parent. It’s what I wear every year.” And boy did I borrow that costume today and wow, am I owning that costume right now.
Parents, I see it in your eyes because I have the same eyes. It comes from running on adrenaline all day: not just for yourself, but for your family. When one is without children, there is a lightness about him/her. Life is simpler.
“What do you want to eat?” for instance.
Oh, I’ll just eat what I have in the fridge.
Or Oh I had a burger yesterday, I’ll have some fried rice today.
When you have children?
It’s an I made this for the whole family, but all of a sudden my child who used to love chicken, hates it today.
Or how about when everything with dairy is eliminated from your rotation of meals because of an allergy or lactose intolerance?
Or maybe it’s just that you have multiple children with different preferences. The only thing in your favor then is when there’s one ice cream bar left in the freezer. It’s yours by default because there’s not enough to go around. At least that’s how it goes in my house, but I still have to eat it in secret after the kids have all gone to bed.
Each season has had its challenges. With a new born it was recovery from labor & delivery. No one told me anything…I was so ill-prepared with my first. And with each child it was so different. My 2nd labor was so hard I liken it to a near death experience, but delivery was as easy as can be. However soon after I had undiagnosed postpartum depression. With my third, it was too soon after my second and my anxiety level was through the roof, especially as I was grieving the loss of my mother.
All this to say you have the responsibility of these precious little people thrown in with your own issues with a big side of work and a whole lot of other adulting. And this year, let’s not forget the global pandemic among other current events as a backdrop that have complicated everything. Everything.
Being tired has got to be an understatement this year.
But be encouraged.
“By what?” you ask. Here are three things. But first a question and a challenge for you:
What are you doing all this toiling for?
It’s time to stop.
Really just pause and reflect.
Yes, right now. Before you read on.
Selah.
By the way, the following three points come to you after inspiration from a church staff meeting. You see each Monday, I am blessed to share a devotional time with some amazingly Gospel-driven pastors and servants of God. We’ve been reading from The Heart of a Servant Leader: Letters From Jack Miller by C. John Miller. And while the following is taken from a letter written to someone who is in ministry, it can easily be taken and applied to parenting. So here I go. Insights taken from a letter called, “How Does a Knowledge of God’s Love Give Direction?” from Miller’s book mentioned above.
The Art of Forgetting the Why
We often get so busy with the doing of all the good things for our children, our families, and ourselves. We are lulled into a false sense of what we deem is good and a must. It could be anything from preparing a Instagram worthy feast to releasing butterflies you raised from when they were caterpillars. It could be that one on one time you spent with your daughter or a myriad of activities your child is involved in. It could be all those extra hours you put in at work and finally you put in that last payment for your car or better yet your mortgage. Maybe it’s that your child’s college savings is growing. Miller writes, “The danger in all of this may be that we are not really so much committed to Jesus Christ but to those things which seem to liberate and fulfill us.” That which seems to be an art because we do it so well—the art of forgetting really has just become a curse. With all these things, I don’t really need God. My children are happy and healthy. I’m content. We begin to live as if this world is ours for eternity, when the reality is when we return to dust what matters most is what we have in Christ. How quickly we turn good gifts into idols.
Maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe it’s that you look around and wish you could have all these things that others have, but for whatever reason it’s not in your reach and the stress of it is weighing you down. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by loss or you are healing from a traumatic event that feels like an unsurmountable mountain to climb.
We are not lacking in reasons to forget the most important—
WE ARE LOVED BY OUR FATHER.
Oh wayward child, whatever you are tired from, come back home to where your Father’s everlasting arms are waiting to embrace you. Remember what it is He has done through Jesus Christ His Son and remember His words.
“'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light'” (Matt. 11:28-30 ESV).
Stop carrying burdens you were not meant to bear. For what you have already in Christ is sufficient. Repent, remember and be restored.
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.Refrain:
Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms
Devotion to Christ
Do you remember now the joy of your salvation? (Psalm 51:12) With the part that we couldn’t do finished in Christ, there is a work we must do. Miller describes it as, “say[ing] no to my will, ambitions, and desires in a total way frequently.” It is a carrying of the cross and a following in Christ’s footsteps and saying, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” (Luke 22:42) It’s the difference in making a decision for your children and family based off of what is eternal and kingdom minded even with your flesh telling you to live for the here and now and what is pleasing to the eye. Do not be deceived. Be reminded that “Devotion to Christ, rather, is infantry work, slogging through the mud and wet, digging in and holding the ground when under attack, and above all, sticking to the basics of His revealed will.” (Miller, 232) While this is work that we must do and it is hard work, this is a work and a struggle that’s end result has already been won for us. The difference is in the struggle and the doing and the work with devotion to Christ, there is a forming of our hearts, a fellowship with Christ, a beautiful adventure into sanctification. It is not a chasing after the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:14) or a heedlessness as Miller describes it. How gently He calls us to Himself. And how He longs for our children to be devoted to Him as well for His glory, our good, and our children’s good.
Sticking to the Basics
Finally, Miller mentions in the above quote, “sticking to the basics of His revealed will.” As I read this part, I wondered what this was referring to. I think I had been so detached from the basics and so distracted by busyness I had forgotten the simplicity of doing what God requires.
30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
What might this look like for your family?
Simply remembering the covenant God who loves you. My son randomly proclaimed the most beautiful alliteration today, “God is a covenant keeper and a promise protector!” We have a heritage in the Lord where all of scripture reads as evidence of what a good and loving Father is, does, and will do.
Bringing your idols to Lord in repentance. The memory verse the children are learning in Sunday school says this.
Bringing your burdens to the Lord in prayer. Miller says, “Truly faith born in prayer is ‘the victory that overcomes the world.’” Remember dear parent, that you are a dearly loved child of God.
How sweet it is when our own hearts are formed through answered prayer. When it is not from a toiling of our own hands for things that bring temporary joy, but when it comes from the work of wrestling with God on our knees. Even if the outcome is not what we originally asked of Him. It is a change in our hearts to be conformed to His will for our good and His glory. This is the mystery of God’s grace. How could He love such a sinner as me?
How sweet it is when we go to him with the tiniest detail something as superficial as the last ice cream bar in the fridge after a hard day. 😉 That is the joy of being known by a loving Father. Rest in Him today, fellow parent.
3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.
1 John 5:3-4
Before I go a gift for you, an important read with a similar topic written by Trevin Wax, “One Overlooked Danger In Christian Parenting.”
Until next time, I’ll save a seat at the table for you.